Again

And all over again. 
That feeling in my soul.


I am present but I am not here.
I am talking but I don't hear myself.
I am thinking about it, but I don't listen to myself.
Images in mind are moving too fast.


I am wandering.
I am wondering if and why.
Various pictures all around me.
But they are not impressions of mine.


Again, I let him to be 
too much for me,
too much of me.
My limits are broken.
It is not him at my edge.
He is already on my land.


I cannot ignore him.
I cannot control him.
Now, he's all around me.


Swaying.
Flying away.
No clear directions.
All around universe,
and even more.


My foolishness
He drives me crazy.
My mind is far above my head.
Is that my real pleasure?
Is that my fully joy?
He is not good for me at all.
Ah, I envy to those who knows.
I know my virtues and flaws.
And for sure I know now,
He is deep inside me.


My contradiction.
The manifesto of my soul.
Yes, I am a Warrior.
Warrior with her own feelings
Warrior from whom many shrink away
Warrior who will rule the world.
But also a warrior with signs of weakness.
Warrior who is trembling in front of you now.


I refuse to believe it is true.
Warrior inside me will speak up.
I know that I deceive myself.
It is obvious right now, but...
Is there an end to my playing?
When will all games stop?






Kristina Nikolić
("Yes, I am wearing hats")